May 17, 2010

I'm panicking! Don't panick! I'm freaking out! Don't freak out!

I had a moment of insanity today after reading a woman's blog about her weight loss success assisted by lap band surgery.  To further that, I looked at a male colleague today who admitted to having laser surgery on his eyes recently and realizing that, he's also lost quite a bit of weight.  I speculated, in my Monday morning crappy mood, that he's probably had lap band surgery.  Can you see me squinting my eyes in suspicion? 

What's the point of all this you ask?  Who cares? 

The point is, everybody around me is dropping weight like it's hot (I hate that song, but it's so dang true!) and I'm stuck at my ~50 pound weight loss (if you want to be specific, it's closer to 40 pounds now, 'cause I'm actively gaining like a mutha).  It's time to get this train moving back down the track.

Can I share with you that for a split second, I panicked and considered taking my lazy ass back to the Nutritionist at Kaiser and inquiring about weight loss surgery again.  How bad does it have to get before I realize that I can do this on my own?  I'm not uneducated, I'm not lazy, I'm not stupid, nor do I hate myself.  I *LOVE* me some me!  So why then do I insist on making this harder than it needs to be!

I'm starting a graduate degree program next month and in my personal and professional  life, I continue to be a full time mommy, wife and employee.  Zoo week is coming up (six mandatory dance rehearsals and three recitals) next month and add to that, I'd like to go to Ocean City to chillax for a day or two (the Flowers will be there for a week with Daisy, but I must save my leave for Jamaica in August).  The Bottom line is, I have no extra time for ANYTHING.  Therefore, Weight Watchers weekly meetings are just not gonna happen.  I didn't get much out of the last go-round of WW meetings at work.  I love that woman, but she just wasn't speaking my language last time around. 

But mercy me, I have to do something quick or the dam is gonna break.  I can't afford to let that happen.  I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN.  I love the happy, quirky, less-demanding, less stressed, running, Stairmaster-ing chic I've become since I lost the weight.  I will not allow myself to succumb to the regain.  The buck stops here!  It's time to recommit to my fabulosity.  Right here and right now.

Weight Watchers online, here I come. 

Keep on runnin' yall!

Gratitude Journal
1. Just for today, I will not complain about anything; I am blessed and highly favored and I know it
2. Seeing my brothers and sisters on TV last night on line at food pantries across the nation have inspired me to eat less and be thankful for more
3. My colleague complimented me this morning and told me that she believes my Flowers will be very successful women because I am so structured and focused on raising them well
4. Daisy treated me to a steamed crab feast yesterday and brought them all the way to my house!  Love that woman! 

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