I'm panicking! Don't panick! I'm freaking out! Don't freak out!

I had a moment of insanity today after reading a woman's blog about her weight loss success assisted by lap band surgery.  To further that, I looked at a male colleague today who admitted to having laser surgery on his eyes recently and realizing that, he's also lost quite a bit of weight.  I speculated, in my Monday morning crappy mood, that he's probably had lap band surgery.  Can you see me squinting my eyes in suspicion? 

What's the point of all this you ask?  Who cares? 

The point is, everybody around me is dropping weight like it's hot (I hate that song, but it's so dang true!) and I'm stuck at my ~50 pound weight loss (if you want to be specific, it's closer to 40 pounds now, 'cause I'm actively gaining like a mutha).  It's time to get this train moving back down the track.

Can I share with you that for a split second, I panicked and considered taking my lazy ass back to the Nutritionist at Kaiser and inquiring about weight loss surgery again.  How bad does it have to get before I realize that I can do this on my own?  I'm not uneducated, I'm not lazy, I'm not stupid, nor do I hate myself.  I *LOVE* me some me!  So why then do I insist on making this harder than it needs to be!

I'm starting a graduate degree program next month and in my personal and professional  life, I continue to be a full time mommy, wife and employee.  Zoo week is coming up (six mandatory dance rehearsals and three recitals) next month and add to that, I'd like to go to Ocean City to chillax for a day or two (the Flowers will be there for a week with Daisy, but I must save my leave for Jamaica in August).  The Bottom line is, I have no extra time for ANYTHING.  Therefore, Weight Watchers weekly meetings are just not gonna happen.  I didn't get much out of the last go-round of WW meetings at work.  I love that woman, but she just wasn't speaking my language last time around. 

But mercy me, I have to do something quick or the dam is gonna break.  I can't afford to let that happen.  I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN.  I love the happy, quirky, less-demanding, less stressed, running, Stairmaster-ing chic I've become since I lost the weight.  I will not allow myself to succumb to the regain.  The buck stops here!  It's time to recommit to my fabulosity.  Right here and right now.

Weight Watchers online, here I come. 

Keep on runnin' yall!

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Gratitude Journal
1. Just for today, I will not complain about anything; I am blessed and highly favored and I know it
2. Seeing my brothers and sisters on TV last night on line at food pantries across the nation have inspired me to eat less and be thankful for more
3. My colleague complimented me this morning and told me that she believes my Flowers will be very successful women because I am so structured and focused on raising them well
4. Daisy treated me to a steamed crab feast yesterday and brought them all the way to my house!  Love that woman! 

New Challenge!

40 pounds by Christmas Day!! Join the fun! You know you want to!!!
I found this challenge on weight watchers community boards. I believe it's the perfect solution to my desire to bake and eat lots of warm comfort foods as the weather begins to change. Not only is my craving for baked goods spinning out of control, but my weight loss has slowed down some. I did manange to finally rid myself of the six pounds I gained celebrating my birthday last month, and I also lost another half pound bringing me to another decade! While I'm not bold enough to advertise my current weight here, I will reveal that I've lost a total of 50.5 pounds since August 29, 2008.

I need to make a plan for this - this challenge is serious business! The challenge officially began yesterday, September 10 and will end on December 26th. That's 15 weeks away.

Here's the description of the challenge:
With the holidays around the corner, we need to get ourselves ready, emotionaly and physically. I want to shout from the roof top, "Hey Ol' man I've stayed on the Plan. I've lost 40 pounds, how does that sound? I'm not hungry and I'm not fat, so what will you put in MY sack?" Sorry, I couldn't resist. I want to have a weekly check in with weekly challenges to keep us accountable for ourselves, the good and the bad. So what do you say...Are you ready to shout?

Who's with me? Keep on runnin' yall!

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Gratitude Journal
1. Savoring the last juicy red strawberries of the season
2. The excitement I feel about my first 10K race tomorrow
3. It's FRIDAY!
4. My Flowers successfully made it through their first week of 4th and 1st grades, respectively.
5. Making decorating plans and daydreaming in Michael's for the perfect autumn touches for our house

Still Water Runs Deep

No, I didn't fall too far off the deep end, although it has been a while since I last wrote. I fell into a bit of a pity party, although it was a short one. I had to kick my no-fun guest out fairly early (that would've been me!) and ended the party early in the game before the blues set in. I didn't like my down-in-the-dumps attitude, so I had to quickly get back to positive self-talk and remind myself why eating properly and exercise are so important - much more important than the numbers on the scale.

Speaking of the scale, I have not boycotted it. I have made an executive decision that I will not weigh myself weekly, as I did while on Weight Watchers. I weigh myself bi-weekly, or every other Friday. This method works for me, as weekly weigh-ins became a significant source of stress and anxiety. Besides, I'm only interested in long-term weight loss and the weekly weigh-in seemed to show more micro or minute gains or losses that I believe are a normal part of life. Water weight, sodium, and hormonal weight seems to come and go every 2-3 days for me, so weighing every seven days seemed to more dramatically highlight those gains/losses that I may have not been able to avoid.

I weighed myself on yesterday, and while I was somewhat upset to see that I have not lost the entire six pounds I gained while over-celebrating my birthday, I have shed three of those pounds. They've reported to me that they're happy with their new home. I've given them the green light to remain with their new host. I will not need them to return and I don't miss their company.

Today I decided to treat myself to a different workout: water aerobics. Actually, it was unintentional, as I had only planned to swim laps and then sit in the whirlpool and relax my over-taxed muscles, but as I was finishing up my swim, the lovely water aerobics teacher invited me to take part in the class. What a treat it was! When she told me it combined deep- and shallow-water activities, I was worried someone had developed a plot to rub me out by drowning, but when I saw the buoyance belt each participant wore, I realized it wasn't a hit on my life.



The class incorporated water weights and noodles (for resistance) and various activities including swimming and running in place for cardio. It was a great class. I definitely felt I got a great workout and with minimal soreness, as in the water, I'm weightless. The other ladies in the class were lots of fun as well, hooting and hollering to each other and laughing at our frequent confusion over exactly what the instructor was asking us to do: "Legs where?" "Weights or noodles? Neither? Oh, okay."

Yesterday I ran four miles on the dreadmill. I'm still loving the running, but I also understand the importance of participating in other physical activities, i.e. the water aerobics, which will only enhance my running and endurance. I'm committed to running a minimum of 20 miles per week, while also participating in other cardio and strength training in an effort to shed these last 30 pounds. These pounds can't find their way to new owners too soon!



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Gratitude Journal:
1. Water aerobics and the cleansing effects of playing in the water
2. The Flowes will be back home tomorrow after a week with their Grandma and cousins
3. Getting stronger and feeling it
4. My quiet house to myself today and tonight